Spend more than fifteen minutes online or on any of the cable and network media outlets and you will be absolutely inundated with insulting character defacing comments on any range of topics from political leaders to “real” housewives which barely resemble any of the housewives that we all know and love. As adults of faith, this type of content can be disturbing and disheartening to so many of us. However, there is another audience that is watching this, absorbing this and maybe even taking it to heart. That audience is our very own children.
Many of us who had fathers from the greatest generation or early baby boomers often saw our father as the strong, silent type. Work to support the needs of the family, tinker around the house fixing (and sometimes breaking while they fix) things, and the weekend grill master. They may impart wisdom, but it was not always easily forthcoming and usually in response to poor judgement on our part.
The days of our being able to hold up many of our national leaders as examples of decorum, manners and character seem to be eroding away before our eyes. This vacuum is felt within the confines of our homes and as fathers, as the spiritual and historical leader within our home, the burden to set the better example falls squarely upon your broad shoulders, Dad.
There is a scarcity of examples that our young people can identify with and follow. Our job as fathers is to stand up and to fill that void. We cannot just watch the news with our kids and shake our heads, it becomes an opportunity to have a discussion with our family, what does respect look like? Is name calling an effective way to lead? How do people respond to it? Does it build people up or tear them down?
Prior to joining the Diocese of Wilmington, I spent most of my career in public education as a school safety leader. The last role that I served was the statewide School Climate Subject Matter Expert. I received hundreds of calls from parents who were upset when their child was suspended from school for bullying after name-calling another student, only to have their child say, “but the president said that, too.” My response was always the same, if the president were a school student in our state, he would have been suspended too. It was an opportunity to talk to our kids about right and wrong.
We have to be far more open and available to our kids as their male role model. When most of us were young, there were very few media opportunities to witness examples of character and courage. We often looked to sports or national political leaders because they received coverage. Today, anyone with a computer, camera and microphone can become a self-proclaimed expert in what is right and wrong with our society. We have no choice but to adapt to the new normal of access to information and make sure that our kids are applying the lens of our faith and values when viewing these different opinions.
When I was growing up, I watched the Lone Ranger and Superman. Not the cartoons of later generations, but Clayton Moore and George Reeves. They stood for truth, justice and the American way. I watched every week as they made the tough decisions to do the right thing, always. Our kids would laugh if we showed them a television show in black and white today. If it isn’t flashy and doesn’t have huge explosions or a super cool soundtrack, they would not pay any attention.
Those shows are a metaphor for the way we may have viewed life, black and white, good and bad were easy to recognize. There are hundreds of shades of grey now, and it is our job to be the one who helps our family to find their way back those “thrilling days of yesteryear.” Evil doesn’t always wear a black hat and good may not always wear white.
This is our job regardless of the age of our children. Sorry, Dad, but you will always be Dad, even when they are older and move out. My son is in his twenties, and we talk about character and media opinions regularly. I even send along positive character-building videos I happen to stumble upon when I’ve been on YouTube. He may not live under my roof, but I still must try to make sure I am having a positive impact.
Take time to talk about right and wrong again with your family. Show them through your actions and words what our faith and values are and how we can apply them even in today’s turbulent society. I cannot give all of you the cape that you deserve for being a hero for your family, I wish I could. However, you can watch them grow in faith and values and let that be your reward. A legacy of fairness and good that they will someday pass along to their children.
Abraham Lincoln once said he was motivated by the desire to do something of impact that leaves the world a better place for his having been upon it. You can leave the world a better place just like Abe did, and that legacy begins in your own home with your own family.
You do not even need a white horse or silver bullets. All you need is you. Now go out and do good things, hero.
Brian Moore is director of safe environments for the Catholic Diocese of Wilmington.
