When kids start school, teachers will remind parents that it’s not a bad thing if children have meltdowns after coming home. “They’ve been holding in big emotions all day,” one kindergarten teacher assured us. “Now you as parents are their safe space to land.”
What a perfect way to describe home: the people and the places that can handle our true selves and our deepest emotions.
Right now our country is mourning for countless tragedies and violent deaths. While public expressions of grief are on full display, home is where we do most of our grieving, praying and processing. How does God meet us at home to help us heal?
We can start by turning to Scripture. As the prayerbook of the Bible, the Psalms are full of ways to help us grieve at home, softening our hearts with God’s gentle mercy so we can love each other well during hard times.
The Psalms remind us that we can bring all our human emotions and experiences to God, holding nothing back. These sacred songs give voice to our sorrow, anger, loss, fear and lament when words fail.
When you need to let down your guard, find solace and solidarity with the psalmist who grieved at home, too: “I am wearied with sighing; all night long I drench my bed with tears; I soak my couch with weeping” (Ps 6:6).
When you need to know that your grief is seen and not wasted, lean into God’s attentive love: “Are my tears not stored in your flask, recorded in your book” (Ps 56:8)?
If you struggle to eat and drink as grief zaps your appetite, let the Good Shepherd lead you to nourishment: “In green pastures he makes me lie down; to still waters he leads me; he restores my soul” (Ps 23:2).
If you can’t sleep, remember in the night that the Lord “never slumbers nor sleeps” (Ps 121:4).
When you want to feel protected, pray with images of God as safe and strong: “You are my shelter; you guard me from distress” (Ps 32:7).
At its best, home means safety, nourishment, rest and reliable rhythms. But when we grieve at home, we also grieve together, bumping up against those we love who don’t always think, pray or mourn like we do. What might this mean for your family?
Mark important dates like anniversaries but give people the space to choose what feels right for them. Some families have traditions for visiting the cemetery; other mourners feel closer to their beloved dead in different times and places. After local or national tragedies, you might decide to pray together as a family before bedtime or light a candle after Mass.
Add something tangible to your home — a photo on your prayer altar, a funeral card or even a newspaper article on the fridge can remind you to pray.
“Constructive” grievers often like to do something concrete: build a memorial, plant a tree or tend a garden. Talk about what might help each of you remember those you are missing.
Seek comfort in the calendar. The liturgical seasons pull us out of ourselves and into the home of the church, reminding us we are never alone. November brings a whole month to pray for those who have died, and at every Mass we remember how close the communion of saints comes during the Eucharist.
Look outside the home for help, too. Just as we need a village to raise a child, families need the same during times of stress or sorrow. Therapists, teachers, support groups, pastors and lay ministers can connect us to community resources and sources of spiritual support that pull us out of the pit of grief.
God never wants us to suffer in silence or isolation. God gives us the gift of home — through people, places and sacred practices — to guide us along the road to healing.
Laura Kelly Fanucci is an author, speaker and founder of Mothering Spirit, an online gathering place on parenting and spirituality.
