Alcoholism and drug addiction destroy lives. They also wreak havoc on families and loved ones in many often-unnoticed ways. I know this from personal experience and from four decades of participation in Twelve Step recovery. I’m writing this Op-Ed to encourage Catholics to pay attention to how problems with alcohol and drugs affect families. Much is already being done by Catholics to help people find recovery, but much more is possible to help interrupt the transmission of addiction from generation to generation.
Why should you pay attention to the effects of alcoholism on families? You likely know a friend or family member who struggles with alcohol or drugs, or you may have lost a sibling, child or parent to an overdose. You can see their pain. But pay attention, too, to the pain of the family and loved ones. Think about the scars left on people who have lived with a person out of control for years, even a lifetime. Those scars can be healed, and support is available no matter what the situation.
I’m a lifelong Catholic who developed a drinking problem in high school and college that progressed to full-blown alcoholism as a young parent. I attended seminary in Baltimore in high school and college and met other Catholic young men who also developed problems with alcohol. I grew up in a small town north of Baltimore and saw how alcohol problems affected my parents’ friends and our mostly Catholic neighbors.
I was not the first or last person in our family to have this illness. I have witnessed its effects across four generations of my family.
My experience has convinced me that recovery needs to include families. There is hope for both the individual with an addiction and the people who love that person. Families can begin their own recovery whether or not the person with the addiction seeks help.
Recovery is possible. While stigma remains, alcoholism is recognized as a health condition rather than simply a moral failing. The U.S. Catholic bishops, in their pastoral message New Slavery, New Freedom, addressed substance abuse as a health, family and community concern.
The good news is that help is available, including here in the Diocese of Wilmington. The diocese, through Catholic Charities, operates Behavioral Health Services and has offered Certified Alcohol and Drug Counselor training in partnership with the Delaware Division of Substance Abuse and Mental Health.
A number of Wilmington area Catholic parishes provide space for Twelve Step recovery meetings. St. Matthew’s has hosted numerous A.A. meetings as well as the Calix Society, an organization of Catholics that combines faith and recovery and includes family members and friends affected by addiction. Catherine of Siena has hosted A.A. meetings, while St. Mary’s and St. Patrick’s are among Wilmington locations hosting N.A. meetings. Twelve Step meetings are independent of the churches and typically use church space by arrangement.
The Aug. 7 edition of The Dialog called attention to Catholics in Recovery, another Catholic approach to addiction and recovery. It connects Catholic faith and Twelve Step recovery and includes support for family members and friends. (See sidebar for recovery resources locally and online nationally.)
Isolation and denial can deepen addiction. Both individuals and families can find help. Alcoholics Anonymous, co-founded by Bill Wilson in 1935, offered new hope to people with alcoholism. Years later, Lois Wilson and Anne Bingham helped found Al-Anon Family Groups, recognizing that family members also need recovery.
Finding a community where you are understood and can learn tools that support emotional and spiritual growth breaks through isolation and offers relief whether the person with the addiction changes or not.
Whether you attend a Twelve Step program like AA or Al-Anon or a Catholic recovery program like the Calix Society or Catholic in Recovery, you will find that you are not alone. Consider attending a meeting to learn more about family recovery. Pass this article on to someone who might need it. Paying attention to the person suffering from addiction—and to the family suffering alongside that person—is part of Jesus’ invitation to love one another and serve those in need.
Tom Adams is a person in long-term recovery from addiction and co-author with Joy Jones of A Marriage that Changed the World: Lois and Bill Wilson and the Addiction Recovery Movement.
